Every now and again, I have a night where I can’t get to sleep.
I’ll start my bedtime routine at the usual time, settle into bed with my sleep mask and ear plugs, and remain wide awake.
I used to toss and turn for an hour trying to will my body into sleep. But this wasn’t working for me. It was a frustrating way to get to sleep, and I started to worry about when it would happen again.
In order to have a more positive association with going to bed, I implemented a plan for what to do (and not do) when I can’t sleep:
1. Get out of bed
If I can’t sleep for more than 20 minutes after I’ve turned off the lights, I get out of bed. (I don’t check the clock until I start to think I’m having a hard time sleeping, which is usually at the 20-minute mark.)
The bed needs to be associated with sleep, not insomnia. As annoying as it is, I get out of bed, into my comfy clothes, and head to my couch.
2. Do something relaxing
Next, I do something relaxing, which is almost always reading a physical book. This is because of the thing that I’m avoiding…
3. Avoid screens
I stay away from screens when I’m trying to get back to sleep. First, the light from a screen can wake you up more. But, more importantly, if I’m on a screen, I’m more likely to get distracted. If I’m on my phone or computer, I’ll inevitably start doing something like checking emails. Which is not relaxing.
4. Write down worries
While I’m reading, anxious thoughts sometimes pop into my head. They may have been the reason I wasn’t able to get to sleep in the first place.
If I’m unable to concentrate on my book because of these thoughts, I know it’s time to write them down. I list whatever I’m thinking in my journal, and then tell myself that I will address them tomorrow. That way, I have a plan for my worries, which tends to calm my anxious brain.
5. Head back to bed
I wait until my eyes are drifting shut while I’m reading in order to get back into bed. What I’ve done in the past is read for 10 minutes, try to go back to bed, and start tossing and turning in bed for another 30 minutes. This feels like I’m right back where I started, and adds to the frustration of not being able to sleep.
Instead, I’ve been working on the next point:
6. Try not to care about how long it takes
Thoughts that commonly make their way through my head when I’m unable to sleep:
“Ugh! You should be sleeping!”
“You’re going to be so tired if you don’t go to sleep right now.”
“How long is this going to take? How am I going to be able to function tomorrow?”
I’ve written these worries down in my journal. And I’ve tried to stop caring about how long the process takes to get back to sleep.
Sometimes, I read for an hour before I start feeling sleepy enough to go back to bed. Yes, this means I’ve lost about an hour and twenty minutes of sleep. But, when I’m back in bed, I actually sleep. And I have a more positive association with going to bed, rather than being frustrated.
I hope this helps anyone who has the occasional hard time sleeping. If you consistently have difficulty getting to sleep or staying asleep, I recommend talking to your primary care provider as a first step. They can assess for medical conditions that may be causing or contributing to sleep problems. And for a list of helpful sleep tips, check out this resource from Anxiety Canada.
Stay well friends,
Dr. Kuhnow
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