I’ve been incredibly lucky to have had almost two years of breastfeeding my son. It’s been a tumultuous and rewarding journey, and now it’s coming to an end.
And I don’t know how to feel.
On the one hand, breastfeeding is hard. It’s literally draining. I have to eat more calories, pump on days when I’m away from my son for a long time, and tolerate the discomfort of having a toddler perform a gymnastics routine while nursing. I also suspect that the hormonal changes associated with breastfeeding have contributed to my ongoing heartburn and mood swings.
On the other hand, it’s comforting to breastfeed. If my son’s unwell, he’s easily soothed with breastfeeding. It’s a surefire way we can connect during the day. And I adore having him in my arms, even as he’s gotten too big for me to hold.
Last week, for the first time, he didn’t ask for his nightcap of breastmilk. I was shocked and… relieved. I feel a wide range of emotions from hurt to happy, from worthlessness to pride. I felt guilty that we weren’t going to hit the two-year mark laid out by the WHO, and then surprised that I had that goal in my head in the first place.
Writing helps. Talking to friends who have gone through the ups and downs of breastfeeding helps. Talking to my mom helps a lot (thanks mom.) And knowing that my son and I were able to go through this breastfeeding adventure together helps.
If you’ve recently stopped breastfeeding, or are thinking of stopping, just know that it’s okay to feel all the things.
Stay well friends,
Dr. Kuhnow
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