I thought that being on maternity leave would be more chill than it actually is. You can tell I’m new to parenthood. Turns out, taking care of an infant is a demanding task that spans all 24 hours in a day.
So, after 10 months, I’ve decided it’s finally time to find ways to relax.
I have to admit, I don't enjoy the typical things that often are suggested to help with relaxation. I'm not keen on getting a massage. I hate baths. I don’t paint my nails or use face masks (and I’m not entirely sure what they do). And I'm trying to meditate, but that feels like an effort rather than a form of relaxation that I enjoy.
It’s taken me a while, but I've come up with ideas for relaxing in a way that suits me as a unique individual. Maybe they’ll help you too.
1. Define relax
I was always curious about what relaxation actually meant. I've come to think of it in two ways: one is that it’s a way to make me feel more chill and to wind down. The other is to make me feel refreshed. These two definitions require different activities.
If I've had a challenging day, I often relax by going for a walk with my dogs and listening to a funny podcast. I also love reading, and will go for compelling fiction when I need to chill. Right now I’m reading Pieces of Her by Karin Slaughter.
If I want to recharge and feel refreshed, I've learned that I need to do something that gets me in a state of flow. Activities that leave me recharged are often challenging, and make me feel like a boss when I'm done.
The best activity for this for me used to be a martial art called Aikido. I haven’t been able to get back into it post-partum, and I miss it for a lot of reasons. One of them is that I always felt invigorated after class.
Luckily, I’ve discovered writing. I love it. It gets me into that flow state, challenges me, and leaves me feeling recharged.
2. Don't let others yuck your yum
In other words, what helps you relax doesn't have to be the same as it is for anyone else. If you love collecting stamps or fly fishing or playing DnD or sitting in silence, then go for it. If you’re trying to relax, then focus on what's actually relaxing for you, not someone else.
3. Give it a try
The only way to find what works for you is to give things an honest try. If something speaks to you, try it. If you feel calm or refreshed or like a badass afterwards, then awesome. If you don't, you can keep working away on finding something. I know you'll find your thing.
To get you started, here’s a list of 50 inexpensive hobbies from LifeHack.
4. Ask yourself this
I've always considered myself an introvert. I thought that doing individual hobbies like painting and reading would be the only things that could help me relax. I was wrong. I found that the key is to ask myself how I feel after doing something. It turns out that grabbing dinner on a patio with friends often makes me feel more relaxed and happier than any amount of painting or reading.
If you want, keep track of how you feel after you do something. Our brains are excellent at tricking us with what they think will make us happy. They’re often wrong (for more about this check out Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert). If you have a list of activities or hobbies that you know make you feel good after doing them, then you'll be more likely to actually do them.
I hope this helps and have fun relaxing!
-Dr. Kuhnow
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